new fashion season: (oh my giddy) JEGGINS

my previous ikkle rantaramas about how the fashion industry manipulates us poor purchasing public physically into items that only look good on catwalk ‘sticks’ (think the ’tribal geometrics’ trend for a start) can go eat! for here is a wearable trend for S/S 10. Yeeha!

dont be shy now, enter JEGGINS (Leggins that are denim and therefore rather like jeans. leggins, jeans, jeans, leggins. jeggins.   Jedward/Brangelina/Jeggins -all annoying but compulsive somehow)

wearable

First mused over last summer as Lily Cole etc started to sport the Japanese trend, they are the big item this season. Just catch yourelf on tho chicks, they should come with a fashion police type warning label. I plan to be frank. read on.

Naturally I have puchased a pair from my faithful online emporium Joe Browns, in boring but trusty indigo. So what have they got over and above a regular pair of skinny jeans? Holy cow, where do i start?

Comfort factor 9, easier to get into due to much higher lycra content and cheaper than jeans. They give a streamlined look -  no belt required.

On the down side, beware the ‘camels hoof’ effect (visible front bottom details- blee). The Jeggin should really only be worn with upper wear that falls below the gusset area, covering any potential ‘hoofage’ for the sake of decency beejesus. I int gonna dictate your personal choice but they look great under a tunic top, for example and be warned of the rearview: muffin tops, almost as obscene as the hoof. Not a good idea to couple the jeggins with a flashdance style oversized crop jumper unless you fall into the aforementioned stick category…

hoof arted

Want some? Yes, yes! Now the tricky bit starts. Topshop Jeggins retail for between £20-£35 and come in indigo, bleached, floral, knitted(?) etc etc etc choice, darn that choice!

Sockshop are offering a silky(?) pair of jeggins for a measly 6 of our very english quids. Please don’t go there people.

Asos are promoting wetlook jeggins. Same applies. However New Look black jeggins are £12 but i can’t be guaranteeing that that aint also the age of the child who sepnt 16 hours a day stitching the muthas, cos he/she was probably younger than that. Think on.

Joe Browns v seasonal fashion blah

OK. Stop the press. It’s a new ‘season’ for fashion.

Thank-you oh so kindly to those nice chapsters at Asos who sent me the latest copy of their fashion direction magazine. How instructive and informative it happens to be.

I risk sounding like an ancient bitter cat-harbouring maiden auntie here but to hell with it, i am gonna let it out anyhow. Here’s the gripe. Choice.

Now choice is supposed to be good. And it is good, to a point. stopping manipulative monopolies over-charging for necessities. But choice is now pissing me off somewhat. In fashion terms this ‘choice has extended to have approximately 5 ‘key looks’ per season r many more indeed. This is transparent and is the fashion industry’s way of squeezing pennies out of the public. This annoys me. After all, if there is only one key look per seson, this will restrict what the consumer needs/wants to purchase.

So, this Springtime you can choose (or be malleated and pressurised) into adopting the fluid nude look, which basically entails dressing all in floaty fleshtone chiffons (at a distance appearing to be totally in the buff) -still a bit parky for that innit? Ok, so you could cover up with key look No2 – the Mac. Now don’t you be thinking that the mac you bought last year will suffice here. Don’tcha be an asshole. The details will NOT be al la mode. This years mac is beige, not black thank you so don’t be thinking you could be getting away with being on the bandwagon without the till a ringing. No, no. Nautical is still news, buy a twee knit that you will wear twice, feel like a prat in then use as a duster in 2 years time. You MUST do 70′s boho(again) darhling! Yellow is big news too – what about a yellow blazer or jeans? What about looking like a deranged budgeriegar? Print pants are just… well, pants (if not vomit inducing and certainly not attractive, think MC Hammer).

My point is that, it used to be that once a year in summer either pastels or brights were in. In wintertime, it was either a black coat or houndstooth. Ok, not quite but the ‘c’ word (choice) is now working agsinst the consumer, as an anti-recession purchasing battering ram. Thou shalt conform, be bang on some trend and most importantly- spend.

Yes, i like to shop. I like new things. I hate being manipulated and I hate the waste of fashion. What i do LURVE is www.joebrowns.co.uk not so much fashionable as two fingers up trendy. A ‘f*ck-you-fashionista’ look that says, i have my own mind and do not conform. Festival chic that is reasonably priced, beautifully detailed and Yorkshire based. Yipppeeeee.

Gorgeous threads, fabulous service, no sh*t.

Really skint? Want to conform(really?) then check ebay, cover the yellow trend with cheap accessories or dylon an existing clothing item. If you really do have to part with cash then charity shops readily sell dodgy jumpers with bows, pictures of kittens etc, Better to spend £3 rather than £60 and you can then give it back in August having realised you will never wear that item of clothing. Not altruism but who cares.

Fortnum & Mason

we all like cake yeah? like cake, we all like a bit of shopping, don’t we? i am especially fond of the idle type that involves minimal human interaction and all that getting my kit off in freezing communal changing rooms with cheap mirrors that shows an oompa-loompah staring back at me. Woah cowboy, enuffski. So mail or internet ordering is bliss. Vino in hand, i can shop til i drop (or pass-out).

So FANK U to the lovely people at Fortnum & Mason who have sent me their latest mail-order hamper brochure. Glossy aint the word for it’s buttery gorgeousness. Presentation get’s 10/10. And they appear to be oh-so-obliging. Yes the prices are rather humungus, however, these are no ‘ordinary’ hampers. Nope. Not a tin of spam in sight. Perish that thought.

Now, don’t get me wrong here, i like cheap (sometimes) and i love a bargain but i also subscibe to the ‘buy-cheap, buy-twice’ ethic (esp re beauty products). Fortnum & Mason do not knoweth of the C (cheap) word, obviously. This is one of my most favourite emporiums ever. I could lick the windows, the displays are so enticingly delicious. The staff are of that Dickensian ‘yes, maam’ yesteryear, be-doilied quality. And the products……

whilst I may purchase cheapest, beans, bread and unbranded tomato ketchup. I can not and will not live without…..

A Fortum’s ‘jamboree’ of Olives (the oil they reside in is like the finest silk). Deepest joy.

In fact, there are so many lush delicacies that i would happily be locked in their food hall alone for a week or more. Fortnum & Mason. I love you.

Ere, ava butchers…. Fortnum & Mason website